one star movie tagged posts

Blood Feast (2016)

Blood-Feast-posterDirector: Marcel Walz

Writer: Philip Lilienschwarz (written by), Philip Lilienschwarz, Marcel Walz (story by)

Cast: Robert Rusler, Caroline Williams, Sophie Monk, Sadie Katz, Roland Freitag

Cert: 18 (TBC)

Running time: 90mins

Year: 2016

 


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What’s the story:  In a Parisian suburb restaurant owner Ramses (Rusler) begins ritually murdering woman to resurrect the Egyptian goddess Ishtar.

Blood-Feast-2016---Sophie-Monk,-Robert-Russler,-Caroline-WilliamsBlood-Feast-2016---Sophie-Monk

What’s the verdict: If director Marcel Walz’s intention was for his remake of the 1963 Blood Feast to honour the original movie, then mission accomplished.

Blood Feast 2016 is as leaden-paced, awkwardly-acted, and boringly gory as Herschell Gordon Lewis’ film, without having the advantage of being the first of its kind to temper the awfulness.

More than just a name-only redo, the plot echoes the ori...

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Fifty Shades of Black

Fifty-Shades-of-Black-posterDirector: Michael Tiddes

Writer: Marlon Wayans, Rick Alvarez

Cast: Marlon Wayans, Kali Hawk, Jane Seymour, Fred Willard

Cert: 15

Running time: 92mins

Year: 2016


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What’s the story: Erotic blockbuster Fifty Shades of Grey gets an African-Americanised spanking in this potty-mouthed spoof starring Marlon Wayans as kinky millionaire Christian Black. Kali Hawk plays Hannah Steale, a timid student who falls under his spell (and desk), only to discover that his sexual habits are as dodgy as his business practices. Prepare for all the whips, quips and prosthetic di…, erm, genitalia you can take in an unfettered parody that shows no mercy. Not even to Jane Seymour as Christian’s racist adoptive mum. You have been warned.

Fifty-Shades-of-Black---Kali-Hawk,-Marlon-Wayans Fifty-Shades-of-Black---Marlon-Wayans

What’s the verdict: Sometimes you just know when a comedy is going to ...

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Transformers: Age of Extinction

Transformers - Age of Extinction - posterDirector: Michael Bay

Writer: Ehren Kruger

Cast: Mark Wahlberg, Stanley Tucci, Kelsey Grammer, Nicola Peltz, Jack Reynor, Titus Welliver

Cert: 12A

Running Time: 165mins

Year: 2014

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The lowdown: Michael Bay and his metal minions return to give eardrums and brain cells another battering in the fourth instalment of the action figure-inspired ode to excess. A haemorrhoid-busting running time boasts extra-terrestrial bounty hunters, fire-breathing Dinobots, photorealistic Autobots, an enthusiastically ineffectual Mark Wahlberg and pretty, pouty Nicole Peltz. There should be something for everyone but with any spark of humanity extinguished this is an empty, mean-spirited mess, fit only for the scrap heap.

Transformers - Age of Extinction - Dinobot, Optimus PrimeTRANSFORMERS: AGE OF EXTINCTION

The verdict: 65 million years ago, alien ‘Creators’ arrived on earth, annihilating most i...

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